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A small overnight case rested on the bed. School books were spread over a messy desk. The room smelled musty. Her sneakers were lying on the floor, her closet door partially open, her clothes still hanging. A bookshelf had a haphazard collection of books on it.My heart thumped. One step. One step and I’d be in her room. I took the step and didn’t die.Moving to her bed, I sat on the edge and spent time looking around. She was everywhere. I waited for my heart to calm.Finally, I reached for her suitcase and opened it. Her clothes hurt me. I fingered them one by one, my memory crystal clear; the Tee she’d worn to the hospital, the jeans, her small cotton bra. And at the bottom, her diary.I fingered it and looked away. On the bookshelf, I noticed her collection of diaries. Getting up, I took all of them - seven, and sat on the bed again.They had a mix of floral covers with stickers, cartoon covers, and plain blue covers. I picked up the cartoon one, opened it and flipped through it. A. "Yeah, it's me." Oh my god!" she cried as she ran into the living room where I stood like a worthless pile of dirt. Without hesitation she flew into my arms and hugged me so tight that she threatened to pop my lungs. She buried her tear-stained face into my neck while she sobbed.I was astonished. This was NOT the reception I anticipated, and I was hit with unbelievable guilt at making her this way. I really was selfish and stupid."Oh, Brody, sweetie, I'm so sorry, so, so sorry!" OK. Add confusion to my list of feelings. Why was she apologizing? I was the one who went off without telling her where I was going, without calling at any time, without asking for permission to stay out all night."No, Mom. Please don't. I'M sorry. It's my fault." I felt my eyes begin to sting as tears threatened. I hated crying. Always left my eyes red and burning and my nose a stuffy, snotty mess.Finally, she pushed me to arms length. "Let me look at you. Are you OK?" She began a very motherly inspection of.
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